A Gift Long Awaited

this is the end of a season
a season of waiting
an extended season of waiting

a season in which i’ve received
a gift i’ve asked for as long
as i remember

back into my childhood
before i started kindergarten
before i could read

of a community
of brothers

walk together
together love GOD
together live

Matt is a brother for whom I thank God
For his love for Him, for his life, for who he is
For how He’s created and designed him

Vulnerable. Honest. Passionate. Courageous.
One who love God just like David did in 2 Samuel 6:14!
It’s just what I saw in his blog entry being the message is a lifestyle:

May I develop a love that is relentless in chasing after Him. Through all the things that I may go through, let my heart remain tender before God. Despite what the world can offer to me, it can never be compared to the day where I will be meeting The One I love face to […]

My old friends have heard me speak so often of being God’s #signpost. Heck, how could this guy speak with a language that resonates so clearly with my heart?

Still …

“Who will roll away the stone for us
from the entrance of the tomb?”

Still they prepared the spices.
Still they beat the sun, waking up in the dark of the night.
Still they walked to the tomb.

Doing what they could.
To the very end of their wit.
And it’s there …

He met them.

Loving God in the Waiting

how to love god
in the waiting?

to love is to be positively engaged
but, to wait …?

is a void in between
is a gap to be filled
or ignored
or wasted away
but definitely
not treasured

or is it?

what do people do in the waiting?
looking around
playing games
mindlessly scrolling through their timeline
all just for killing the time

the value of the activity
is in salvaging the time
otherwise wasted
in the waiting

then how to love
in the waiting?

does it make a difference
between loving in the waiting
and waiting while loving?


to love in the waiting
is not just about salvaging the time
it’s about turning this wasteland
into a springboard

a springboard of exploration
a playground for us, lovers
a time in between where no deadline reigns
a space in the darkness where no predefined path imposes its way on us

to play
to abide
to enjoy

without constraints
without expectations
without burden to perform

just to be
with god


Leading used to be a big thing for me. I aimed for and did hold quite a number of leadership positions. The way forward was upward.

That is no longer the case. I’ve lost most appetite for leadership positions. That’s not just for me. I find leading to be too mentally and emotionally taxing, and it’s just not where I’m at my best.

I still hold a leadership position, but I’m also seriously considering to resign and focus solely on areas where I’m actually gifted, shunning all formal leadership positions. In the meantime though, there are still people and projects I need to manage. How should I handle this responsibility?

Resources such as the Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or, a more recent work, Chris Voss’ Never Split the Difference would be my go-to resources, but things are different now, and these end up ringing hollow for me.

I’m going slowly through The Sermon on the Mount accompanied by Scot McKnight’s commentary. This is what I need! Reading through the Beatitudes, I realize how much I need to grow into the likeness of this blessed ideal Jesus taught. These sayings apply not only to certain aspects of my life, but to the whole of it! My leadership role is one area where I need to apply the Beatitudes’ ideals.

One life. One standard. Be it as a friend, a foreigner, a student, a son, a minister, a leader — in my whole life I’m to use the Beatitude as a mirror, an ideal, a template to grow into. The way forward is whichever direction the Lord walks me to.


The focus of my life isn’t a what, but a Who: it’s Jesus.

I was once questioned by a seasoned business person who deemed my life severely lack focus. “I have my reasons,” I said. “You only see the surface what, and I understand that you care about me, hence your concern; but underneath that what, I understand my why very well. I’m in good hands.”

Time and again, my life has taken sharp turns. It’s far from trekking the path commonly trodden. It’s been an exhilarating adventure. Will it still be so? I honestly don’t know, because it’s not my call. You see, I’m just trying my best to keep my eyes on Jesus and follow His lead. From the outset, some people find it hard to comprehend; for me, it makes making decisions much simpler.

Do I still have a goal, then? I do, and I think The Imitation of Christ sums it very well, “To be unknown and considered as nothing” because, as Paul argues in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”