The Reverse of a Miracle

Birthdays
Used to be many different things
For me, at least

A hundred wishes
A dozen celebrations
A number of birthday cakes

Now
For the past 3 years
3 wishes would be the norm
5 is many
A dozen is a miracle

On my birthdays
I’ve lived in cities where I know
2 people
20 people
200 people

It’s not relevant
I still don’t get the wishes
I used to get

This year
I’m getting accustomed to a muted kind of birthday
I’ve been having lately, but still
It hurts
I don’t get offended though

This year
I asked God a miracle
That it’s not another muted birthday
It didn’t happen
I didn’t get the miracle I asked for

But this year
The reverse of a miracle
Happened
And it’s as miraculous
As a miracle would be

In a perfectly natural way God shows
That He is there
That He is here!
He remembers
He cares

I’m reminded

That all my ministry
Isn’t a personal investment project
That I should — that I could! —
Expect for a return
On my ‘investment’

That’s it’s perfectly fine
To be forgotten
To phase out
And disappear
Into the background

This ministry — heck, even this life! —
All His!
And He’s opened up paths
Provided the means needed
10,000 miles ahead of me

And He delivered them
All
His provision
To me
Very tangibly

Let me remember this
And how He shows Himself
As who He is
To me
For me
With me
In me

And that should be more than enough

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A Gift Long Awaited

this is the end of a season
a season of waiting
an extended season of waiting

a season in which i’ve received
a gift i’ve asked for as long
as i remember

back into my childhood
before i started kindergarten
before i could read

of a community
of brothers
who

walk together
together love GOD
together live

Matt is a brother for whom I thank God
For his love for Him, for his life, for who he is
For how He’s created and designed him

Vulnerable. Honest. Passionate. Courageous.
One who love God just like David did in 2 Samuel 6:14!
It’s just what I saw in his blog entry being the message is a lifestyle:

May I develop a love that is relentless in chasing after Him. Through all the things that I may go through, let my heart remain tender before God. Despite what the world can offer to me, it can never be compared to the day where I will be meeting The One I love face to […]

My old friends have heard me speak so often of being God’s #signpost. Heck, how could this guy speak with a language that resonates so clearly with my heart?

Virtuous Corporations

virtuous corporations
is it an oxymoron?

some people around me believe so
i grew up believing so

but then…

would good people inevitably turn evil
once they become entrepreneurs?

virtuous corporations
it’s a categorical possibility

just like air purifiers…

they face the wild, dirty, cunning, evil world outside
to provide a tamed, cleaner, more habitable world to those they serve

they deal with our daily evils
so many don’t have to

who’s got the gut?
who’s got the call?

will you answer it?

Still …

“Who will roll away the stone for us
from the entrance of the tomb?”

Still they prepared the spices.
Still they beat the sun, waking up in the dark of the night.
Still they walked to the tomb.

Doing what they could.
To the very end of their wit.
And it’s there …

He met them.

Loving God in the Waiting

how to love god
in the waiting?

to love is to be positively engaged
but, to wait …?

waiting
is a void in between
is a gap to be filled
or ignored
or wasted away
but definitely
not treasured

or is it?

what do people do in the waiting?
looking around
reading
playing games
mindlessly scrolling through their timeline
all just for killing the time

the value of the activity
is in salvaging the time
otherwise wasted
in the waiting

then how to love
in the waiting?

does it make a difference
between loving in the waiting
and waiting while loving?

reframe

to love in the waiting
is not just about salvaging the time
it’s about turning this wasteland
into a springboard

a springboard of exploration
a playground for us, lovers
a time in between where no deadline reigns
a space in the darkness where no predefined path imposes its way on us

to play
to abide
to enjoy

without constraints
without expectations
without burden to perform

just to be
together
with god

Leading

Leading used to be a big thing for me. I aimed for and did hold quite a number of leadership positions. The way forward was upward.

That is no longer the case. I’ve lost most appetite for leadership positions. That’s not just for me. I find leading to be too mentally and emotionally taxing, and it’s just not where I’m at my best.

I still hold a leadership position, but I’m also seriously considering to resign and focus solely on areas where I’m actually gifted, shunning all formal leadership positions. In the meantime though, there are still people and projects I need to manage. How should I handle this responsibility?

Resources such as the Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or, a more recent work, Chris Voss’ Never Split the Difference would be my go-to resources, but things are different now, and these end up ringing hollow for me.

I’m going slowly through The Sermon on the Mount accompanied by Scot McKnight’s commentary. This is what I need! Reading through the Beatitudes, I realize how much I need to grow into the likeness of this blessed ideal Jesus taught. These sayings apply not only to certain aspects of my life, but to the whole of it! My leadership role is one area where I need to apply the Beatitudes’ ideals.

One life. One standard. Be it as a friend, a foreigner, a student, a son, a minister, a leader — in my whole life I’m to use the Beatitude as a mirror, an ideal, a template to grow into. The way forward is whichever direction the Lord walks me to.